ANTI/ LOVE

2003-01-05T13:52:00.000-08:00

Some funny quotes about sex,

Because, let's face it, the whole thing is kinda funny. Just a few of the most memorable....

"Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus." (Bob Rubin)
"It is an infantile superstition of the human spirit that virginity would be thought a virtue and not the barrier that separates ignorance from knowledge." (Voltaire)
"Sex is the mathematics urge sublimated." (M.C. Reed)
"Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes." (Jackie Onassis)
"The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform." (Dr. Alfred Kinsey)
"I like men who have a future and women who have a past." (Oscar Wilde)
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex—no matter what she's reading." (Steve Jobs)
"A lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally." (Lillian Day)
"The kiss is a wordless articulation of desire whose object lies in the future, and somewhat to the south." (Lance Morrow)
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." (Steve Martin)
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." (Anonymous)
"If it wasn't for pickpockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all." (Rodney Dangerfield)
"The only difference between friends and lovers is about four minutes." (Scott Roeben)
"An intellectual is a person who's found one thing that's more interesting than sex." (Aldous Huxley)
"Sexuality is the lyricism of the masses." (Charles Baudelaire)
"Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin. It's the triumphant twang of a bedspring." (S. J. Perlman)
"The ability to make love frivolously is the chief characteristic which distinguishes human beings from the beasts." (Heywood Broun)
"The prettiest dresses are worn to be taken off." (Jean Cocteau)
"Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures." (Samuel Johnson)
"I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said ‘no.’" (Woody Allen)
"In America, sex is an obsession; in other parts of the world it is a fact." (Marlene Dietrich)
"There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex. People should draw the line at goats." (Elton John)
"I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce." (J. Edgar Hoover)
"Love is the answer; but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions." (Woody Allen)
"Sex is the poor man's polo." (Clifford Odets)
"I'm a terrible lover. I've actually given a woman an anti-climax." (Scott Roeben)
"What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home." (Ken Hammond)
"Fifty percent of the women in this country are not having orgasms. If that were true of the male population, it would be declared a national emergency." (Margo St. James)
"Lead me not into temptation—I can find the way myself." (Rita Mae Brown)
"Ah, yes, divorce—from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." (Robin Williams)
"The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it." (Woody Allen)

2002-12-13T16:08:00.000-08:00

A Portrait of Codependency

...is right here. We are only as good as whomever we're fucking. And I disagree with Alina's summation of this 3 AM short story, "How did smack become the classic foreplay?" Maybe it's because -- too me at least-- an attractive attribute is prioritizing love/sex/romance very low in one's creative and intellectual pursuits, whether that means retreating for several years in the Gobi desert, or killing his self on the installment plan. I was telling a friend the other day my intentions to move to somewhere Third World as soon as I get (officially) out of school. "But you'll never get laid!" she told me. Maybe, maybe not. I'd rather go on about my ways a Free Byrd (even if a celibate one) than live a disatisfying conventional life with as many second-rate partners as I can pencil in.

2002-12-10T09:54:00.000-08:00

The ingeniousness of markets.

So, is this for little kids? Will they sell it at Hello Kitty next to the cute pencils? Here's how to snag your own pet.

2002-12-09T10:31:00.000-08:00

Open love letters

Is this what we all secretly want? Fromm thinks so. I don't know.

2002-12-05T16:41:00.000-08:00

We Aren't Sluts

Sandy Asirvatham for the Baltimore City Paper explains new finding suggests that "women who like to fuck around ... are not evolutionary freaks after all." She cncludes her findings with this:

I knew many sluts of both sexes in my late teens and early 20s. Some were wallowing in self-loathing and a kind of mind-from-body detachment generously fueled by inhibition-dampening substances; others were openly rebelling against the sexual rules promulgated by their parents; still others, it seems, were staving off boredom until their soul mates came along [my italics].

2002-12-03T22:59:00.000-08:00

Tidbits about the m-word.

Masturbation is defined as sexual self-pleasuring that involves self-stimulation. According to recent studies, 97% of men and 83% of women have masturbated at some point in their lives. That is an increase from the 1950s Kinsey Report, which reported that 92% of men and 58% of women have masturbated. Masters and Johnson who are a team of physicians who pioneered the field of human sexuality, and other researchers have demonstrate no negative short-term or long-term medical health effects from masturbation.if masturbation occurs within a marriage or relationship between two individuals where self-pleasure takes the place of having sex with a partner, this act could potentially damage the self-esteem of the latter. However, according to Louanne Cole Weston, PhD, a board-certified sex therapist “. One lesson of long-term relationships is that both people need not be interested in doing the exact same things at the exact same time – and that includes sex.”masturbation may have negative social consequences if one becomes preoccupied with self-pleasure to the point that it interferes with one’s job and one’s social relationships. This includes spending excessive time masturbating while failing at attempts to reduce or control these activities resulting in interference with one’s day-to-day life activities. One's home is the most common and private location (e.g., while lying on the bed, in the bath or shower, or on the toilet, are the three most reported home locations). From personal experience, I suggest Wittle Wabbit. Seriously.

2002-12-03T22:56:00.000-08:00

True or false?

If you let a guy pay your way, he will treat you like a prostitute and you will eventually feel like one.

2002-12-03T22:53:00.000-08:00

Come calling.

Being a call girl and then writing about it seems almost like a rite of passage for the liberally-inclined right now. In fact, to prove my liberal credentials, since I could never talk a man or woman into paying money for (ahem) this, I will pretend like I could. And then write about it. According to Nancy Chan:

Having sex for money can become a way of relating to men -- and enjoying men -- that competes with your romantic life. Successful hookers are sharp-witted, hardheaded and hardworking but many are also diehard romantics. We want our emotional fantasies to come true, perhaps because we spend so much time fulfilling other people's fantasies.

Call it a diving board and key your head up, legs closed, eyes open for my post. I will sign it as Chi-chi La Tong.

2002-12-03T22:37:00.000-08:00

I am a sex criminal by Calvin's standards.

Kathyrn Hughes reviews a history of sex crimes, but history repeats itself, and yesterday's sexual romp is today's sexual faux-pas at the fear of death.

Geneva under Calvin was not an easy place if you valued your privacy. In a city of about 10,000 souls, there were a dozen elders and about the same number of ministers constantly on the look-out for behaviour "tending towards fornication". Since this might include dancing at a wedding or singing a jaunty song to no one in particular, a high number of perfectly respectable people found themselves before the courts giving an account of themselves. What made it worse was that citizens were encouraged to spy on each other and report anything that struck them as odd. This gave busybodies, voyeurs and the downright nasty ample opportunity to grass up their neighbours for no other reason than that they felt like it. The resultant court reports show harassed elders trying to untangle situations where spite, greed and unrequited love conspired to produce a charge of sexual impropriety against someone whose only crime was to smile too brightly at an interesting stranger.

In most cases, though, there was no smoke without fire. Genevan citizens were as prone to lust, sexual boredom and curiosity as anyone else, and no amount of sermonising or neighbourhood watchfulness was going to stop them satisfying their desires. The most common situation to come before the courts was where an unmarried girl had become pregnant. Claiming that she had been raped was not an option because it was believed that a woman had to have an orgasm to conceive, in which case the clear implication was that she had enjoyed being forced. Naming her long-term lover as the father was a risky business, because that would immediately trigger an investigation into whether or not the couple believed themselves to be officially engaged. Even if they both sang from the same hymn sheet before the court, the likely punishment was imprisonment for both.

2002-11-24T09:58:00.000-08:00

You Look Nice. I'm in Love!

I have a little quandary in my life. A few months ago, I lost a lot of weight (about 50 pounds) and now I seem to be attracting women left and right. The problem is--I'm gay. Only some of my friends, and possibly my mother, know this, and I'm not flamboyant, so you can't really tell until I say something. I don't know what to do. I was honest with one deeply infatuated woman and told her that I have "no sexual feeling toward women." She burst into tears, and I left her apartment before becoming a homicide statistic. Later, a mutual friend told me that the woman was in love with me and I broke her heart. I only met her once! Now, I just recently started a new job, and there is a young woman that I work with that wants to "hook up" with me. How can I tell her about my preferences without hurting her feelings and still maintaining a relationship? I really like her, but just not in that way. I'm asking you because I value your opinion and I don't want some preachy sermon about homosexuality and the Bible. Mink, what should I do?

I don't believe this! If she "loved" him, she'd have noticed him 50 lbs ago. You can find Mink Stole's answer over here

2002-11-22T15:19:00.000-08:00

Something For Alina

December 13, 7 pm

Join Editor Tristan Taormino and authors Samiya A. Bashir, Kenya Devoreaux, Rosalind Christine Lloyd, Marissa Pareles aka Ana Peril, Julie Levin Russo, Kyle Walker, and maybe some more from out of town as they read from the latest collection of steamy erotica!
Location: Bluestockings Women's Bookstore, 172 Allen Street NYC
Admission: free
Info: 212-777-6028
Email: info@bluestockings.com
URL: http://www.bluestockings.com

2002-11-22T12:38:00.000-08:00

The morning after the cheat, according to the Afghan Whigs

This ain't about regret
My conscience can't be found
This time I won't repent
Somebody's going down
Feel it now and don't resist
This time the anger's better than the kiss
I must admit when so inclined
I tend to lose it than confront my mind

2002-11-22T12:24:00.000-08:00

Erotica v. porn

Hungarian erotica-writer Mitzi Szereto thinks men have a harder time writing erotica that doesn't cross-dress as porn. And to her, there is a difference between erotica and porn-- the classic "two-handed read" distiction.

In a nutshell, pornography does not have any real artistic value -- it's brainless and disposable. It's simply a tool to sexual stimulation. Junk food for the libido, if you will. Erotica involves the brain. It seduces the reader, whereas porn masturbates the reader.

2002-11-21T16:13:00.000-08:00

Color Me Unsurprised

Nerve reports on Maxim's brilliant advertising campaign for Maxim Haircolor for Men.

what righteous totally hetero hella Linkin Park dude wouldn't love to see a hot, partially lobotomized chick climb across café tables just to lick his cute, chemically blasted tresses like a hairy ice-cream cone?
What dude wouldn't like to see said chick slither around her desk in her power skirt all salivating and sultry because his hair is just such a bitchin' shade of imitation chemical magenta?
Because this is apparently exactly what happens. This is how it unfolds in the ad campaign and the website and billboards and magazine spreads and in the covert cultural bitchslap that is the late-night TV commercial.

Its the same stuff, for the same price as what women use, but aparently having the "for men" disclamer keeps the buyer from looking like a pussy at the checkout. So frivolousness is not gender specific.

2002-11-21T15:05:00.000-08:00

Ten Songs (that are good) That Turn Me On

10. My Bloody Valentine, Come in Alone
9. Paul Weller, Wild Wood
8. Sonic Youth, ‘Cross the Breeze
7. The Smiths, There is a Light (how did you forget this one, Alina?)
6. My Bloody Valentine, Loomer
5. Lou Reed, How Do You Think It Feels?
4. Terranova, Close the Door
3. My Bloody Valentine, Soon
2. Tortoise, Suspension Bridge at Iguazú Falls
1. The Sea and Cake, Bird and Flag

2002-11-21T14:44:00.000-08:00

Twenty Songs That Turn Me On
20. Shy Ani DiFranco
19. Roads Portishead
18. Something hot Afghan Whigs
17. Blue in green Miles Davis
16. Slave to love Bryan Ferry
15. Do you love me Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
14. Main offender The Vines
13. Blood sugar sex magick Red Hot Chili Peppers
12. I bleed Pixies
11. Scar Joe Henry
10. Talk show host Radiohead
9. Angels Joe Henry
8. Never met a girl like you Edwyn Collins
7. Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me U2
6. Father figure George Michael
5. Hallelujah Jeff Buckley
4. All stripped down Tom Waits
3. Cactus Pixies
2. John the baptist Afghan Whigs
1. YOUR GUESS? THEN I"LL GIVE IT AWAY

2002-11-20T13:07:00.000-08:00

Little Brother Tells Me

GusMc43: yo jo
joanneuary: what up g?
GusMc43: homework
joanneuary: got some time?
GusMc43: like 15min
GusMc43: why
GusMc43: u ok
joanneuary: cool dogg
joanneuary: so how do you get some guy who's madly in love with you to just be yr friend?
joanneuary: i feel like i'm leading him on
GusMc43: tell his friends
GusMc43: or be strait with him
joanneuary: that's troo
joanneuary: what can i say that doesn't sound cheap?
GusMc43: that is what i did
GusMc43: is that a good idea
joanneuary: is what a good idea. i don't know what to say
joanneuary: "sorry, i'm not interested" sounds weak
joanneuary: and presumptuous
GusMc43: tell his friends and tell them to explain it to them
joanneuary: i dont know his friends
GusMc43: you need to phrase it in the form of a question
GusMc43: befor i can tell u what to do
joanneuary: how do i tell some guy i'm not interested withouit losing his friendship?
GusMc43: give him signs
joanneuary: what signs???
GusMc43: that you dont want that kind of realationship
joanneuary: talk about other guys (that's so cheap)
GusMc43: no
GusMc43: say like your my second brother
joanneuary: haha. that's right
joanneuary: that always gets them
GusMc43: when are u goin home
joanneuary: tuesday
joanneuary: party!
GusMc43: yes
GusMc43: lets get drunk
GusMc43: i get home weds
joanneuary: yeah
joanneuary: paaarty!
GusMc43: lol

2002-11-17T13:23:00.000-08:00

Who Stalled Feminism?

There’s a Sephora in every major city, and most suburban shopping malls. The chic onyx interior artfully displays upscale fragrances and cosmetics. Although the products’ ingredients barely differ from anything in Rite-Aid red bins, the packaging and presentation lure shoppers by the billions. American women will spend $20 on an eyeshadow compact. American women that might not make $20,000 a year will spend $20 on an eyeshadow compact.

Sephora’s banking on the average modern woman’s incapacity to rationally budget her money. Shows like Sex and the City have validated credit card debt as a rite-of-passage ... for grown women. A woman’s reluctance to fiscal responsibility is usually deeply-rooted in the urban legend of a knight in shining armor who will swallow her financial burdens at the alter. But if the pushing forty Sex and the City-spinsters are any indication of the times -- that knight may never arrive.

Vanessa Summers, the author of Get in the Game! The Girls' Guide to Money & Investing says, “I think it's true of many women, in the back of our subconscious, that this is how it's going to turn out for us. I remember my grandmother always telling me as a child, "It's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it is a poor man." Now that I have empowered myself by getting my financial life together, finding someone to step in and take care of me doesn't even cross my mind.”

An Oppenheimer Fund survey reveals 54% of young unmarried women said they are more likely to acquire 30 pairs of shoes than have $30,000 in retirement assets. Jeanette Winterson reports “Women over the age of 55 are half as likely as men to have their own pension. This figure falls to around 20% less likely, for women under 35.”

And yet, “feminists” still want to obfuscate the problem as a “sexism” thing. Gail Evans in Play Like a Man, Win Like a Woman, seems to believe it is all in the clothes, and tackiness like dangling earrings alone might cause detriment to one’s career path. She also mistakenly identifies women as “cooperative” rather than “competitive.” But the controversy surrounding Rosalind Wiseman’s Queen Bees and Wannabes suggests the opposite is true. Wiseman’s book deconstructs the “Alpha, Beta, and Gamma” level playground coalitions girls build and break until, well, I know thirty-five year old who still operate in this manner. Maureen Dowd’s excellent essay (scroll down) goes to show in the end the Gammas get to power. But in the end, the Alphas get the men, and the house, and the children, and the husband’s salary with which they can dispose at Sephora – and isn’t that what they wanted?

Wendy Shalit, author of the truly wonderful book A Return to Modesty, writes for City Journal, “Despite the hype, Sex and the City is not about girls who just want to have fun, flaunting their sexual appetites. While promoters offer the show as one more brave step in the sexual liberation of women, leading to ever greater fulfillment, in fact it is a lament for all the things of inestimable value that the sexual revolution has wrecked, in this city and beyond. If Candace Bushnell were a practicing Catholic, she couldn't have produced a more effective proselytizing tool for continence and modesty.”

Plus, Candace Bushnell’s vain and idiotic habits are self-defeating. The Candace Bushnell-esque female is by definition unattractive and may never be loved. The outfits her maxed-out credit cards construct are clownish and absurd. Never once have I known a guy to prefer the girl in ruffly skirts and heels over the one in jeans and a tank-top.

Even if you could buy sexiness, would the cost be worth it? Let’s take a female A and have her mean physical attractiveness at the minimal cost of basic grooming: brushing hair, apply a bit of makeup, dressing with the times, etc. Set the standard deviation of 2 hours extra time necessary to maintain. At the max y, A has blown her credit cards at Barney’s and Sephora, works out at the gym every day, and is thus 2 units physically more attractive than herself at the mean. At the other end of the spectrum, x, A has not maintained anything of her appearance. She dresses sloppy and showers sporadically.

A at the mean may be 2 units less attractive than at x, but her time is freed for more worthwhile activity such as reading, thinking, or balancing her checkbook. The cost of maintaining herself at attractiveness x exceeds the benefit of the number of more people who will find her attractive. Secondly, although more people find A attractive at x, the people who find her attractive at x maybe themselves be guided by vanity and not worth dating.

Let alone the $400 bill, it is very difficult and painful to walk in Manolo Blanik heels.

2002-11-04T15:46:00.000-08:00

Stress-relief for Cornell students

Apparently, Cornell University Health Services is debating whether to sell vibrators in the school dispensary. How did this bright idea compete with the light of day? Somjen Frazer, a researcher for the Women's Health Initiative, says it has been on the platter for a while now as an attempt to provide a more public affirmation of women's sexuality. Frazer's research focuses on finding ways to serve women whose health care "has been historically undeserved." Though it sounds nice to say that a woman deserves orgasms for health reasons, I admit to being uncomfortable with the implications for male-female relationships. Vibrators are much nicer than boyfriends-- always on time, faithful, silent, and fairly low maintenance.

There are more practical reasons for the newly-enlightened strands of pro-female arguments at Cornell, and the issue of access is a reasonable one, as Ithaca is a small town, far from most major cities where a vibrator or sex toy shop might be located. This is the position many female students have taken. Students like Ann Zatsmann, however, have expressed concern about the health center's new mission-- "Are they going to start selling Hustler too? It's not a necessity. If people really want one, they can go online."

So what are the serious benefits of such a policy? Frazer mentions more "specific advantages":

"The dispensary will give out educational materials explaining how to properly clean a vibrator that two women are going to share and what exactly vibrators can be used for."

Frazer emphasized that the student health center "is not going to open a sex shop.They don't have the space and it's not their mission". I can see why some might be a little concerned when space for a sex shop in the student health center is mentioned with a straight face. Perhaps the demand for vibrators will earn Cornell a bigger and better building, or "space", where the students could benefit from mutual masturbation sessions without the shame of doing it alone.
Another Cornell administrator reminded us that "vibrators have uses other than for masturbatory purposes". I suppose they could be used for stain-removal pruposes or whipping cream or something, but the feminists are digging their own grave here because the perfect mutli-tasking tool (i.e. the old cucumber) can be purchased at the local grocery store. Hopefully, Cornell does have a food store.

2002-11-01T12:44:00.000-08:00

Love is Never Zero-Sum

Dan Savage gives a perfect example of my equation at work:

Zac—an amazingly good-looking 28-year-old guy—was going out with Megan, a 32-year-old lawyer. After they had been dating for six months, Megan laid her cards on the table: As much as she loved him, Megan could only be with Zac if she could have sex with other guys once in a while. Not with tons of other guys (we’re not talking Catherine M. numbers), but Megan would sleep with at least two or three guys every year. But there was more: Despite the fact that she had no intention of being faithful to Zac, she could only be with him if he promised to be faithful to her.

Was Megan being unfair? Yes. Did Megan have a double standard? You bet. Was she doing the right thing by Zac? Absolutely. She was straightforward: He could be with her and be cheated on, or ﬁnd someone else. Most men would’ve walked out the door (“She can cheat on me but I can’t cheat on her? Fuck that!”), and at ﬁrst Zac was pretty upset by Megan’s ultimatum.

“After the shock wore off,” Zac told me, “I admitted to myself that I didn’t really want to sleep with other women, so I told her okay.” He doesn’t get jealous? “I did at ﬁrst, but when she did sleep with other guys, she would come home and tell me about it, and I would get so fucking horny-slash-angry that we would have the most amazing sex. Pretty soon I wasn’t angry when she fucked around, just horny.”

It was a good thing that Zac was just horny by the time he proposed to Megan, a year after her ultimatum. She agreed on one condition: The mutual friend who introduced them, a man with whom Megan regularly “cheated” on Zac, would be Zac’s best man—and on their wedding night, Megan would fuck the best man, not the groom. “That Zac agreed to it kind of sealed the deal for me,” Megan told me. “I knew that he was the right guy for me.”

2002-10-31T08:27:00.000-08:00

Ways to Cheat on Your Signifigant Other

There are two ways with which a person can make another person feel desirable and that is, making the other person his signifigant other, or cheating on his signifigant other with the other person. One can have his cake and eat it too. If your signifigant other is more attractive than the women you cheat on, she is less apt to be "jealous" if the affair is discovered. However, if you have a less attractive s.o., if you cheat on her with more desirable women she will be upset (note that the genders, of course, may reverse and still apply.) If someone wishes to be unfaithful and monogamous, and still maintain a steady "relationship," it is in his self-interest to secure the most attractive s.o. possible. In order to "cheat" he can only select from the number of women less attractive than his s.o. -- in order to sustain the relationship

2002-10-27T21:22:00.000-08:00

Another Reason To Privatize Marriage

On Howard University television this morning, several old bats were debating "no kids" clauses in pre-nups. "No kids" clauses are regularly thrown out in court, as marriage is only a "function of reproduction." I'm sure Wendy McElroy has something to say about this

2002-10-26T10:26:00.000-07:00

Love from New York City

The time has come to rearrange my pantheon, take a few timbers from Aphrodite and pass them to Athena. New York City is amazing, which only reminds me that "love" is a chemical interaction in the mind of one person, who can probably feel it for a city as well as a person. We get so excited about "love", so excited when we think it is requited. However, our marvel should be slightly more chemical and certainly less sentimental. The mere fact of another person having the same chemical overload at the same time is not a call for poetry manuscripts.

2002-10-21T19:46:00.000-07:00

Monogamy, devotion, and other such abstractions

If you read some of the stories of women whose lives have changed as a result of their partners' infidelity, you will feel like you can't get away from Jerry Springer-style angst. The truth is, however, that men who cheat often do so knowing full well that the woman is in a position of vulnerability, and so less likely to leave them. The results of male infidelity are horrible, and the reasons for which men cheat are varied and fairly pathetic. What really matters is how men justify this cheating to themselves given the common assumption that the female will tolerate it.

2002-10-21T16:39:00.000-07:00

"You're fucking movie stars? Well, I'm fucking congressmen!" - Imperial Teen

Nerve has a delightful interview with Imperial Teen, the breezy indie rock group fronted by Faith No More's Roddy Bottum but famous for the Jawbreaker theme-song. "One night onstage I said, "They are brother and sister, and they're married also, and I'm fucking both of them!" said guitarist Will Schwartz about the White Stripes. The band is rounded out by two hot 6-foot girls.

You have a reputation as this boundary-blurring outfit: boy/girl, straight/gay. How much does that really interest you?
Will: I think we just do what we do. It's not like we're consciously like, we're going to be mixed gender, and we're going to be
Roddy: Blurring some boundaries!
Jone: Yeah, we're not really calculated that way. We started in San Francisco, and there, sexual roles aren't clearly defined or even necessarily important to have. We just have fun.
Lynn: We're very blurry.
Jone: Stuff just happens.
Will: We're like that Woody Allen movie where Robin Williams gets blurry. What was that?
Lynn: Jumanji?
Will: No, it's a Woody Allen movie.
Jone: No one could ever shoot his face. Will; Yeah, we're kinda like that.
Roddy: Robin Williams was like that?
Lynn: I don't think it was Robin Williams.
Will: Yeah, it was.

2002-10-21T16:20:00.000-07:00

Going back to my post against monogamy, it is important to note an individual's "power" in a relationship is always fluid. A woman who believes her signifigant other to be inclined to cheat, might try making herself inimitable to her s.o -- rather than strengthening the "ultimatum." Rather than bitching about your boyfriend/husbands/whatever's infidelities, why not put an effort into building characteristics so compelling, you cannot be replicated by fleeting sexual encounters?

2002-10-21T16:10:00.000-07:00

My secret wish is for a Severin.

2002-10-21T13:49:00.000-07:00

Alina's top ten women

I'll add my list of top ten women to Jo's. I tend to rate them in a combination of beauty, intelligence, wit, demeanor, intellectual interests, and creativity. The equation is, more or less, as follows, where they receive a score of 1 to 10 on each quality and where X=public persona:
(B + I + W + D + II + C) - X = Score
1. Monica Bellucci
2. Sophie Marceau
3. Martha Craven Nussbaum
4. Katherine Hepburn
5. Stevie Nicks
6. Hope Sandoval
7. Catherine Deneuve
8. Catherine Keener
9. Ani DiFranco
10. Catherine Zeta-Jones

And now for the top ten most disgusting women. No math here-- these are purely visceral.
1. Catherine Mackinnon
2. Madeline Albright
3. Camilla Parker Bowles
4. Kathie Lee Gifford
5. Martha Stewart
6. Hillary Clinton
7. Pamela Des Barres
8. Pamela Anderson
9. Pink
10. Audrey Hepburn

2002-10-21T13:07:00.000-07:00

On the extent of seriousness to which people regard their love-lives: It's not genocide, it's just fucking! I suggest they stear away from tradition and rule-books that can never encompass the complexity human nature, and perhaps consider visits to therapists to molify their excessive sensitivity

2002-10-20T22:44:00.000-07:00

Ask Men has up the 2002 list of the 99 Most Desirable Women, and yet again Alina and I were overlooked (damn it.) "Unlike other lists that look at beauty or sexiness, this one combines all previous lists into the one attribute that determines why a man favors one woman over another: desirability." It's stupid with gross commentary like, "WHAT CLOTHES WE'D LIKE TO SEE HER IN... Bunny ears; we'll provide the carrots." What's strange is, I haven't even heard of half the top 20. Some of those bikini models have loyal fans. But why let the monkeys on Ask Men have all the fun, here's my list:

1. selma blair
2. tilda swinton
3. jennifer connelly
4. sarah silverman
5. the red-haired girl from That 70's Show
6. catherine keener
7. sophie dahl
8. thandie newton
9. franka potente
10. dark angel

2002-10-20T21:22:00.000-07:00

There is such a thing as getting way too personal appropos of nothing.

2002-10-20T17:05:00.000-07:00

Talk dirty to me

Dan Savage comforts a man who fears talking dirty to his girlfriend. It should come as no surprise that some females secretly enjoy this, especially women who lack the self-esteem issues to take such talk in a pejorative fashion. There are moments in which sanitized speech proves to be more of a burden than a delicacy.

If talking dirty is nothing to be ashamed of, then how come so many of those who enjoy it consider it a part of their secret lives or secret selves? The most typical example is the housewife-by-day, phone-sex-operator-by-night, whose identity takes on an ageless, almost vampiric quality given the contrasting roles. (Maybe some interesting conclusions could be drawn from the fact that many phone-sex operators consider themselves therapists of sorts, helping people disentangle their emotional lives from their sexual frustrations.) Dr. Barbara Keesling examines the personal and social freedom that allows a person to shun sweet talk for its darker half, without coming to an necessary conclusions.

Whether you are getting itor not, talking dirty can be surprisingly liberating. If you are like me and prefer to be your naughtiest self when alone at home, then grab a beer, sit on the couch, and start practicing. If you want to make sure your filth is understood, then these lessons on how to talk dirty in Esperanto might be helpful.

2002-10-20T16:25:00.000-07:00

Of grandfatherly gentleness I'm devoid,
There's not a single grey hair in my soul!
Thundering the world with the might of my voice,
I go by-handsome, twenty-two-year-old.
- Vladimir Mayakovsky

And he was hot.

2002-10-19T11:02:00.000-07:00

While it might be wiser to avoid all wedding vows, it seems there are a few in particular to watch out for.

2002-10-18T17:13:00.000-07:00

Wouldn't it be so nice to live in a literal world, where people mean what they say and live without regret? Despite an unfortunate title, Celia Farber's Madder Music, Stronger Wine for what used to be Ironminds, is nostaligic for a place where "nobody had to have sex on a computer or go to a place to screen dates where you ring a godforsaken bell every seven minutes in search of a mate." We live, paralyzed, unable to express emotion, too cynical to say when we like someone's company. Farber discusses a friend of hers who made the mistake, drunk one night, of actually telling the boy she was seeing "I like you,"

She didn’t hear from him after that, and about a week later she sent him an e-mail apologizing for this transgression, this outburst of emotion. Sociologically, this is quite fascinating, and surely unparalleled in human history, for how would the human race survive if all communication were this anemic? But get this ... They entered into an e-mail exchange about her comment. He told her he was indeed a little “taken aback.” Christ, I’m surprised he didn’t call the police...

She didn’t actually care that much about this particular fool; she was just bored with the habitual emotional muteness that afflicts us New Yorkers. She didn’t want to marry him. Why did he have to grind her into the dust with his dreary emotional realism? Whatever happened to the art of romance, which, to a certain extent, is the art of illusion?

2002-10-18T14:51:00.000-07:00

Are women employed in the sciences or social sciences less pretty than in other fields? Judging strictly by observation rather than empirical analysis, I believe so. Women may out-number men on college campuses, but the most sought-after degree is a M. R. S. Attractive women can pursue whatever field they wish -- art, creative writing, baskt weaving -- and remain confident they will find husbands. Less attractive women must work harder. By enrolling in degree programs typically male-dominated, their odds improve (consider this the Bachelorettes in Alaska Example.) Closer proximety to men, allows them to compete with more attractive women that are in other fields of study.

2002-10-17T20:10:00.000-07:00

"I want to live and I want to love. I want to catch something that I might be ashamed of..." - The Smiths

What is monogamy, more than a strategy employeed by unattractive, insecure individuals? Is it ever a neccessary condition in a loving relationship? Perhaps it is, but a loving relationship is built on trust. Trust implies fidelity, so it need not be discussed. A loving husband will not cheat on his wife, not only because the risk is too much to bear, but as a loving husband he would prefer not to.

Demanding monogamy is unneccassary in loving relationships, but what about non-loving, casual relationships? These relationships often-times are based on an "ultimatum." In these relationships, one person hold the power, name him or her X. X derives his power from a greater attractiveness than partner Y, and thus has greater opportunity to cheat. Because of this power struggle Y demands "faithfulness." If X will not submit to this condition, Y will break up with him and X will no longer have a steady sexual partner. X will cheat on Y depending on his realtive attractiveness compared to Y, and his respect for her. If there is a great disparity, and the risk (of losing dependable sex) is small, X will cheat. He will not cheat when the reverse is true.

Thus the "ultimatum" is employed by the least desirable partner. If X should cheat, and Y breaks up with him. Y is the one to lose. To maintain a partner more attractive than she, she would need to allow him to cheat.

This is all kind of weird and incoherant, I know. But the fact remains there are a lot of non-loving relationships out there that are "monogamous" for unneeded reasons. If people were more secure, they'd be less monogomous (and much more happy.) Really, how easy is it to find one special person that presses all the right buttons? In the meantime, take one guy who pushes this set of buttons, and have another guy who'll push all the rest

2002-10-17T11:35:00.000-07:00

More on porn for charity, only this time, "VIP Life" owner Lisa Clampitt dresses it up like a DC-worthy demagogue to create the impression of a "respectable dating service". Last time I checked, a respectable date suggested self-service, not the pithy, pitiful purchasing of lackluster bimbos.

2002-10-17T09:34:00.000-07:00

It comes as no surprise that the intellectual quality of law school applicants decreases each year. Is there possibly some award David Kelley could win for facilitating this?

2002-10-16T11:35:00.000-07:00

In the Village Voice, Tristan Taormino's ode to "hot mamas" might be considered, at first glance, an extremely flattering new form of aestheticism by those who wish to interpret it in such a fashion. I'm not so sure though that this new adulation for pregnant supermodels is something to cheer, since most women do NOT look like supermodels when they are pregnant and many women find themselves SOL and alone when they get pregnant. Men and women need to think before they fuck-- the minute you penetrate someone, you better be prepared to take care of whatever consequences might ensue. The reason why kids under 16 are not allowed by most state laws to engage in sexual intercourse is because they are not prepared to accept responsibility for the consequences of their actions. I expect more from those who conjure up the pretense to manhood.

2002-10-15T22:45:00.000-07:00

For a woman with such strict and antiquated views on human sexuality, National Review's Kathryn Jean Lopez seems to get a rush in revealing them. One can imagine her crossing her legs tightly under her chair whilst typing the latest screed against pre-marital sex or gay-adoption.

Her recent online column, details a petition against RU-486 by the Christian Medical and Dental Associations. Gee, with a name like that would you guess they've got an agenda? But Lopez assures us, " It's not a pro-life screed focusing on the evils of abortion. Instead, if focuses on the dangers of this particular drug regimen, which the petition demonstrates to be greater than those of the average drug. And — more importantly in the context of the Hager issue — it exposes the FDA's laxity in approving the drug."

The "dangers" are never cited in her article, and I could not pull up a reliable source detailing them. This doesn't surprise me. Anyone who has studied statistics knows, you can find a "risk" in anything -- especially when it comes to healthcare. So is it any surprise the only people citing "dangers" are Christian anti-abortion activists, headed by a man who wrote a book entitled, As Jesus Cared for Women: Restoring Women Then and Now

What Lopez fails to see is, wouldn't pro-abortionist have some stake in whether or not there are dangers in the drug? If RU-486 were seriously dangerous, it would wreck our credibility. But this issue isn't worth expounding upon further. Lopez-like antiquarians face extinction in this country before abortion ever will. And if she really cared about babies she'd be working to rid the world of circumcision.

2002-10-14T16:22:00.000-07:00

"We are hated by all the right people – and that is an achievement worth boasting about," writes Justin Raimondo in his new column, a response to Ronald Radosh's critique of The American Conservative. Specifically, Raimondo takes on Radosh's insistance his "chief claim to fame is his single appearance on ''Politically Incorrect,'' when Bill Maher made fun of him for being one of the few openly gay supporters of Buchanan" and that "Raimondo is now attempting to forge his own Red-Brown alliance, as Europeans refer to the coming together in post Soviet Russia of right-wing nationalists and unreconstructed Communists."

It’s very telling how the same obsession with separating out "Left" and "Right" that permeates Radosh’s discussion of The American Conservative seems to preoccupy him, on another more personal level, when it comes to me. I have to be either "gay," or "straight" – as if the complexity of human sexuality in all its broad range of expression could be squeezed into these two categories.

2002-10-14T09:13:00.000-07:00

The major argument against gene engineering and embryo selection is we are, "designing away the gift of life." The "digital divide" is dead, so who can really believe designer babies will result in an "unfair" Huxley-like class struggle? Plenty of poor people go far into debt by sending their children to private schools, so why would they be frugal about inserting synthetic genes to manipulate embryos?

"Anyone who accepts the right of affluent parents to provide their children with an expensive private school education cannot use `unfairness' as a reason for rejecting the use of reprogenetic technologies....There is no doubt about it...whether we like it or not, the global marketplace will reign supreme," writes Princeton geneticist Lee M. Silver

Besides, what's so bad about a world full of brainacs? I can only imagine it would run better than this one. Whether "natural" or created, it's only evolution-- it won't hurt! So all you luddite "bioethicists" can take your natural babies; but when I breed, I'll get the works.

2002-10-13T16:35:00.000-07:00

In the last year of high school, M. introduced me to Henry Miller. In return, I led him to Henry and June. Where we went from there exists only in the soft grey of memory and the crumpled pages of my diaries. Why I choose to keep it secret stems from the desire to keep it as ours, to keep it sacred; a private good made public often mutates to a private bad. M. taught me alot about myself-- about Paris, Vienna, oil fields, huge inanimate stuctures, music, agony, and most importantly, passion. You never forget the man who shows you first how to be consumed by passion-- how to walk over hot coals in barefoot without flinching-- and then how to be reinvented by it. In falling, we learn to kiss the ground.

Anais Nin writes, "Permit yourself to flow and overflow. Allow for the rise in temperature and all the expansions and intensifications. Something is always born of excess." Excess teaches us more about our own limitations than prudence, just as the non-risk-averse entrepreneur learns more about the rules of the market than the businessman who is too afraid to test them. Perhaps we play it safe because we fear not only what lurks beneath our sanitized, everyday selves, but also the misunderstanding we might face when others encounter our self-imposed freedom. In the same journal, Nin asserts that the "greatest problem we have......is the fear of someone reading over our shoulders, of someone passing judgment on our secret selves." For Nin, this "secret self" emerged tainted by incest. What makes the "secret self" so vulnerable is not half as interesting as what leads us to compartmentalize segments of our selves as a "secret self".

2002-10-13T14:54:00.000-07:00

Mixer has a cover feature on the Russian lesbian lolitas t. A. T. u..

Seventeen-year-olds Julia and Lena maintain they are very much in love, although they realize it may not be forever and that one day perhaps, they could love boys also. Says Julia, "Some people have found our cellphone numbers ... they say 'My girlfriend has started to be with other girls after you and your fucking group. I will kill you.'"

But I wish them the best success. There are far greater problems teenage girls might face besides lesbianism.